and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Someone stole a lamp last night.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
