my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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