Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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