I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I faked an abortion last night.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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