Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
