She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
