sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
