you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
