Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
