literally had 100 drinks last night.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
