New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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