i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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