they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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