I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
