I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
