At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
These tits shall not be calmed
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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