Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
