she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
