Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(720): View more from Colorado

Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.

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(540): View more from Virginia

Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?

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(812): View more from Indiana

i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities

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(917): View more from New York City

shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom

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(630): View more from Illinois

she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her

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(815): View more from Illinois

Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.

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(614): View more from Ohio

Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.

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(323): View more from California

I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time

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