I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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