This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
