I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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