don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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