lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
