You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
