So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
