Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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