You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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