It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
