Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
