Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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