I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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