I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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