my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Randomize
