this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
