yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
