i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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