I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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