This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
