me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
