I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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