how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My vagina is officially offended.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
