um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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