I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
