do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
