awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
