Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
