Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
