I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize