You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm too high and old for this...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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