I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
