He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
