I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
