you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
