i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
