So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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