i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
