I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
When are your genitals available?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
