ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
