Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
