I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
