You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
