explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
