i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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