it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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